Understanding the 7 Types of Infidelity
This article is written by Co-Owner of Arrival Counseling Service - Derek Schoffstall, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in PA and CA who specializes in Affair Recovery.
Infidelity, also known as an affair, is when one person in the relationship is unfaithful to their partner while in a committed relationship. This breach occurs when one violates the emotional or sexual expectations agreed upon by those in the relationship. Traditionally, infidelity was understood primarily as engaging in physical, sexual activities with someone other than one’s partner. However, the definition has significantly expanded over time to include a wider range of behaviors.
For this article, it is imperative to emphasize that infidelity is ultimately a choice made by the individual who strays. Although there may be factors within the relationship that contribute to its condition before the affair, the decision to be unfaithful is made by that person alone. Recognizing this is key to grasping the complexity of affairs and the process of recovering from them.
With that being said, this article delves into the seven types of affairs, offering insights into their unique characteristics and the impact they have on relationships.
If you are searching for a deeper exploration of what is needed to recover from infidelity, check out the following articles:
1. The Emotional Affair
An emotional affair involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the primary relationship. This type of affair is characterized by intimate conversations, emotional support, and often, secrecy from one's partner. The psychological reasons for engaging in an emotional affair can range from unmet emotional needs within the primary relationship to seeking validation and excitement elsewhere. Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs can be more challenging to identify, as they often start as platonic friendships that gradually evolve into something deeper and more intimate.
The impact of emotional infidelity on relationships can be devastating, eroding the foundational elements of trust and emotional intimacy. When one partner seeks emotional fulfillment outside the relationship, it creates a significant rift, leaving the other partner feeling betrayed, neglected, and insecure.
2. The Physical Affair
When it comes to affairs, the physical affair is often what most people envision. Unlike emotional affairs, which can be ambiguous and involve emotional connections, physical infidelity is more straightforward in its definition: it involves physical, sexual acts. This can include anything from kissing to more intimate sexual encounters. What makes it particularly hurtful is the tangible, undeniable evidence of betrayal.
The reasons why individuals engage in physical affairs are complex and varied. For some, it's a pursuit of sexual satisfaction they feel is lacking in their primary relationship. For others, it may be driven by a need for novelty and excitement, or as an escape from relationship problems. Psychological factors like low self-esteem, a desire for validation, or even impulse control issues can also play a role. It's important to note that these reasons are not justifications but rather possible explanations for this behavior.
The physical affair is often considered the more 'traditional' form of infidelity but carries with it complex emotions and consequences. It directly challenges the physical exclusivity that is typically a cornerstone of committed relationships. Moreover, the consequences of physical affairs extend beyond emotional distress. They pose a significant risk of transmitting sexual diseases, further complicating and endangering the health and well-being of those involved. This added layer of risk underscores the damaging impact of physical affairs on relationships, making their repercussions not only emotional but also potentially physical.
3. The Online Affair
In the digital age, the concept of infidelity has expanded to include online affairs, a phenomenon that has grown with the advent of the internet and social media. Online infidelity occurs when individuals engage in romantic or sexual conversations, or form emotional connections with someone other than their partner, primarily through digital means. This can include activities like sexting, online dating, erotic chatting, or developing emotional connections via social media or email.
Online affairs are a byproduct of our increasingly connected world. The accessibility of social media platforms, chat rooms, and dating apps has made it easier to initiate and maintain these types of relationships. People can connect with others from any part of the world, often anonymously, which can create a sense of safety or detachment from reality.
While some might argue that online affairs are less serious because they don't involve physical contact, the emotional and psychological impact can be just as significant. These affairs often start innocently but can escalate as individuals share personal information and develop emotional bonds. The secrecy and emotional investment in these online interactions can create a sense of betrayal that is similar to traditional forms of infidelity.
4. The Revenge Affair
The revenge affair is motivated by the desire to retaliate against a partner who has committed infidelity or inflicted emotional harm on that person. Unlike other forms of infidelity, where personal gratification or emotional connection might be the primary drivers, revenge infidelity is often a calculated response to hurt or betrayal experienced within the relationship.
Revenge infidelity can be emotionally complex. On the one hand, there might be a temporary sense of satisfaction or empowerment in ‘evening the score’. However, this is often short-lived and can be followed by feelings of guilt, regret, and recognition of the self-destructive nature of such actions. Engaging in revenge infidelity can also indicate unresolved anger and an inability to deal with emotional pain in a healthy way.
The impact of revenge infidelity on a relationship is usually devastating. Instead of resolving the underlying issues, it often exacerbates them, leading to a cycle of retaliation and further emotional harm. It can destroy any remaining trust and make reconciliation much more challenging. Both partners may become entrenched in their hurt, finding it hard to move past the cycle of betrayal and revenge.
5. The Serial Affair
Serial cheaters often engage in affairs with little regard for the emotional and relational consequences. The pattern can become evident over time, characterized by repeated breaches of trust. It's not just about the physical act of cheating; it's about a consistent disregard for the commitments and expectations within the relationship.
For some, serial infidelity may stem from deep-seated issues like fear of intimacy, where engaging in multiple affairs serves as a way to avoid deep emotional connections. Others might struggle with compulsive behaviors, seeking constant validation or experiencing an addictive thrill from new romantic encounters. In some cases, it can be related to underlying psychological conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder or unresolved personal issues.
The impact of serial infidelity on relationships is profound and often irreparable. The repeated betrayal erodes the foundation of trust, making it extremely difficult for the affected partner to believe in the sincerity of the relationship. It can lead to significant emotional trauma, including feelings of inadequacy, betrayal, and a deep sense of loss. More often than not, professional intervention is necessary for both individuals involved.
6. The Opportunistic Affair
The defining feature of opportunistic infidelity is its spontaneous in nature. It often arises in scenarios where the individual finds themselves in an unexpected, tempting situation. This could be during a business trip, at a social event, or in any context where they are away from their usual moral or social support system. The combination of opportunity, anonymity, and a perceived low risk of consequences can lead to a lapse in judgment. These types of affairs happen in situations where the individual feels they have a low risk of getting caught or under the influence of external factors like alcohol, drugs or being away from their partner.
This type of affair may not stem from dissatisfaction with the current relationship or a deliberate desire to cheat. Instead, it can be driven by impulsive behavior, thrill-seeking, or a moment of weakened self-control. For some, it's a response to an emotional or sexual need that isn't being met in their relationship. However, the spontaneous nature of these affairs often means they're not deeply premeditated.
The revelation of an opportunistic affair can be particularly jarring for the betrayed partner, as it often comes without warning or a perceived lack of unhappiness in the relationship. It shatters the trust of the relationship and can leave the partner questioning the integrity and commitment of the individual who cheated. The lack of premeditation in opportunistic infidelity does not lessen its impact on the relationship. The breach of trust and the hurt caused by the infidelity are profound.
7. The Exit Affair
In cases of exit infidelity, the individual may consciously or subconsciously use the affair as a catalyst to end their current relationship. It's a way of creating a situation that forces the end of the relationship, often because the person feels incapable of ending it directly due to fear, guilt, or other complexities. This affair type is more about the individual's psychological inability to cope with or communicate about their relationship issues than about attraction to the affair partner.
The psychology behind exit infidelity often involves a sense of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or perceived incompatibility in the current relationship. It can stem from a lack of courage to confront the issues directly or from a desire to avoid the emotional pain of a breakup. In some cases, it's a sign of conflict-avoidance or an emotional unavailability.
Exit infidelity almost always leads to the end of the relationship. It's a clear signal that the individual committing the infidelity sees no future in the current partnership. For the betrayed partner, it can be particularly painful, as it combines the betrayal of infidelity with the end of the relationship.
Healing from Affairs
Having delved into the seven types of infidelity, a crucial question arises: Is recovery from such betrayals possible? Can a relationship not only heal but also emerge stronger than before?
Although the scars left by infidelity are deep, recovery from infidelity is attainable for many. The path through the aftermath of an affair is undoubtedly fraught with challenges, yet with a strong commitment, deep understanding, and appropriate support, couples can embark on a journey toward reconciliation and renewed growth. For those seeking a roadmap through this difficult terrain, our related article, "Recovering from Infidelity: A Path to Healing," provides essential insights and practical strategies. This guide explores the steps necessary for both partners to rebuild trust, heal the emotional wounds, and potentially fortify their relationship beyond its previous state. It's important to remember that although the journey to recovery is intricate, it can foster significant personal development and a reinvigorated bond between partners.
Arrival Counseling Service: Your Partner in Healing
At Arrival Counseling Service, Derek Schoffstall, LMFT is a couples therapist who specializes in helping couples navigate the difficult journey of recovering from infidelity. He has extensive experience leading couples through the the Affair Recovery Process and is dedicated to providing compassionate and effective support.
Derek is licensed in the states of Pennsylvania as well as California and is flexible to provide teletherapy virtually, should you not be located nearby the practice he owns with his wife in Harrisburg, PA.
FAQs on Understanding the 7 Types of Infidelity
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Yes, a relationship can recover from infidelity, but it requires a substantial effort from both partners. Recovery involves rebuilding trust, practicing open and honest communication, and often seeking professional guidance. It's a process that can lead to personal growth, deeper understanding, and a strengthened bond, but it's important to acknowledge that this journey is challenging and unique to each couple.
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Surprisingly, some relationships do become stronger after an affair. This is not to underestimate the pain and betrayal caused by infidelity, but rather to acknowledge that the intense process of healing and understanding can lead to significant relationship growth. Couples who successfully navigate this path often end up with a deeper sense of empathy, improved communication, and a renewed commitment to each other. However, this outcome is not a certainty and requires dedicated effort from both partners.
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The healing process after an affair begins with a mutual decision to work through the betrayal and rebuild the relationship. This typically involves open and honest communication about the affair and its impact on both partners. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or counseling, can be incredibly beneficial in providing a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and work through issues. It's also important for the partner who had the affair to show genuine remorse and commitment to change, while the other partner may need to work through feelings of hurt and betrayal. Patience and empathy are key, as healing from infidelity is a gradual process that can vary greatly in length and complexity.
